So this is the job, bob…

As I’ve mentioned, I started a new job mid-January. The first day (and a half? I honestly don’t remember. I tried to put myself in a voluntary coma) was spent in general training. Ethics. Medical coverage. Retirement plans. College savings plans. 401ks. Sexual Harassment.

Here’s my answer to all of those:

1. I have them.

2. Thanks. You pay me so little, you might as well give me good benefits.

3. How do people retire on this salary?

4. No kids, but thanks.

5. See #3, but insert “save” in lieu of “retire”.

6. whaaaaaaat

To be honest, the sexual harassment section was the funniest of them all. And I don’t mean that in a way that says I condone it. (For shame!) But some of the information, and the way they chose to present it, was hilarious. Some of it was straight-forward: Hitting on people, unwanted advances, etc…not cool. But at one point they said sarcasm was not allowed. WAIT.

Back up the truck.

Sarcasm is my modus operandi. It keeps me sane, in a cynical way, but also makes me laugh and not take situations too seriously. It gives me an outlet for the dumb encounters of life. And it’s not appropriate or allowed?!?!?!

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I was concerned I would be faced with an onslaught of interactions with coworkers turned drones. No personalities whatsoever.

So it was to my enthusiastic surprise when, on day two, I asked for help and the guy training me asked another code veteran to help me and he said “NO! I don’t like her. I know she’s new, but she’s mean…and she has cooties.”

Thank you sweet baby Jesus. Sarcasm lives.

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