I saw a tweet the other day that spoke to me:
Sometimes it’s hard to live the life that would make you happy instead of the life that would make other people think you are happy.
I think it pretty well sums up some of the kickback we received after letting people know of our decision. A lot of people, when they found out, throw all sorts of “fix” ideas at us. Like they somehow thought we wouldn’t have tried everything in our power. I am beginning to understand it’s their own version of a coping mechanism in hopes to be helpful because they don’t know what else to do. But it’s tiring to have to re-explain and convince them that we did our due diligence and made the decision we think is right.
Most of this has calmed down, but I do think it is a continuous struggle to remember, after trying so long in a different vein, that I am worthy of living the life that makes me happy.
This is not to say we didn’t start happy. We were. But something changed. I don’t know what. I don’t know that I’ll ever know what. But I know that I put in enough effort to try and fix it to be okay with our decision. And I think that this long-span time of fixing singularly, while necessary, is what threw off our friends and family the most. Because in that time I continued to act in a way that made others think I was happy, that masked the real struggle. So when we decided to change the situation, to take the step to find and live the lives that would make us happy, it was a surprise to many.
There’s a song off of Sara Bareilles’s new album that sums this up pretty well.