You’re doing WHAT in your profile picture?!

In the last week of beginning my foray into online dating, I’ve noticed a couple things. For a the sex that it is said takes the most selfies, these doofuss-es online are REALLY bad at it.

best-online-dating-profile-ever-3412-1300818685-13

So for the bozos out there snapping picture after picture, thinking, “Yeah! I’m the MAN! Every woman is going to want me when they see this glamour shot!”…please adhere to these tips:

1. Make sure we can see your mug. Unless it’s not worth seeing, then I’m not sure what to tell you. I’m sure that sunny vista behind you that you’re trying to get in your shot is lovely, but it makes it hard for us fairer sex to see your face. I know we all say personality matters, but it’s that initial glimpse of your face that decides whether we want to get to know you. See also: It doesn’t work in your favor to use pictures of Halloween as your profile pic. You know, the one where you’re wearing a mask.

2. Don’t take your picture in the bathroom. Or at least, don’t make it obvious. I know there’s a mirror in there, but your phone (unless you still operate in the stone age) has a reverse camera. Take use of it. You can snap that puppy anywhere. Or better yet, browse through pictures of you traveling, having fun with friends, or at events where you’re dressed nicely. I promise they will all look better than you standing in a batman shirt in front of your dirty shower curtain (true story).

3. Speaking of batman, try to make sure the pic you choose from the pile, or the day you set out to take a selfie, you’re not wearing a shirt with a ridiculous saying on it, let alone expletives. I don’t need to know you’re a FBI (Female Body Inspector) or that you’ve got a “long schlong”. Try to find something respectable to wear. Unless that IS your most respectable piece of clothing, in which case, I’ll just merrily hit that “X” next to your name and move right along.

4. While we’re on the subject of inappropriate, let’s take a break from the profile picture and talk about your username choice. “Pu$$ydestroyer69″ [my $$ emphasis]…not gonna catch the ladies. Or at least not the right ones. Unless our definition of “right” is different, in which case, go on destroying. Don’t get the clap.

5. Also inappropriate? Drugs in the picture. Either as the only thing in your picture, or you doing them in your picture. This also encompasses smoking. I realize not every woman may feel that way, but this one does. So…on second thought….if you do smoke, put up a pic of you smoking. It saves me time of finding that out later and I can just move right along.

6. Don’t flash gang signs. Especially if you’re a clean cut white boy in a polo. Yeah, you, bro. You’re so ‘hood. You also look SO DUMB. So thanks for making this choice easy. X. Moving right along.

7. Duck face. I thought it was just a dumb girl craze. Evidently boys do it too. Who knew. Guess what? You look just as dumb as they do.

8. Don’t, for the love of God, upload a sideways picture. ROTATE. If I have to even contemplate turning my head sideways to see your bad profile pic choices, it’s not going to happen. You obviously don’t know how to use a computer, or are just too lazy to care. X. Next.

9. Try to upload a recent or relevant picture. It says you’re 28 but you look 14. Not up for jailbate, kiddos. And I don’t think your mommy will be happy with how you’re spending your internet time. And if you are actually 28, or 35, or 42…UPLOAD A RECENT PICTURE. I want to see the weight you gained…or lost. The tattoos or piercings you acquired (because I need to know if I’m hitting that X or lingering). What I don’t need is a picture from your high school graduation. Unless you’re telling me that’s all the education you got. In which case, X.

So. There it is. The short list of what not to do. I’m sure there’s more, but I’m so frightened for online humanity that I’m choosing to stop there and not seek out any more crazy pictures.

Until next time,

Cuddlez69*

*This is a joke with a girlfriend. It is NOT my online dating username.

Share Button

Three cheers to a New Year

As most of you know, my 2013 hasn’t been the greatest. A divorce and no solid job have made life a bit stressful. Being back near friends drops the stress level a bit and as much of a pain as Madeleine can be sometimes, she’s definitely a positive.

Needless to say, I’m looking forward to 2014.

As most people do, I’ve been thinking about things I’d like to accomplish in 2014. So here goes:

1. Find a job.

2. Start dating.

3. Finish testing for my license.

4. Read an average of 1 book per month for pleasure.

5. Travel somewhere new.

6. Brush up on my Spanish and/or learn a new language.

7. Look into and hopefully find a home for myself.

8. Find a new church family to attend with regularly.

9. Visit Katie in California.

10. Continue to grow L2 Design.

11. Create, begin, and maintain a solid workout regimen.

12. Return to better eating habits.

13. Participate in a half marathon.

14. Attend the Kentucky Derby.

So there we have it. 14 goals for 2014.

I look forward to this year as one of self, professional, and social growth. There are sure to be awesome happenings in the lives of my friends as well: a wedding or two, some babies, and lots of fun.

Bring it, 2014. I got my shades. Nothing’s getting in my way. And if the pessimists and joy snatchers try, they better watch out. They’re liable to get hurt.

1313474950485_2336118

Share Button

Merry Christmas: The journey to the light

I’ve struggled the last week or two with whether or not to write this post. I didn’t want to only share negative, selfish thoughts surrounding a most blessed of holidays. But this is about my journey, so I’m sharing.

I’ve run the gamut of emotions this holiday season. After the last several years of my life spending this holiday with someone, it is underwhelming to spend it alone.

I LOVE Christmas. I love the holidays spent with those you love, doing things, making memories, decorating, relaxing. I’m a giver. I love finding the perfect gift for someone and seeing their face light up when they receive it. But I have no special someone to share these moments with this year, so it all seems very sad. It’s not that I feel the need to have someone to make things special in my life. It’s not a body count. I’m certain that spending your days with the wrong person, especially holidays, is probably just as bad, but you get what I mean. It is its own brand of suck known only to those who’ve spent holidays alone. *raises glass of alcohol to all the singles reading this*

I’ve never wanted a holiday season over with more than I do this year.

I’ve spent many a night wondering where my path is taking me. Feeling surrounded by darkness in the moments where families are busy brightening their homes with Christmas lights and holiday cheer. Wondering the plan God has for me.

I realized tonight as I listened to the sermon of the Christmas Eve service that Mary must have had similar concerns about her path and her plan. How the months leading up to Jesus’s birth, that night when no inn would take them, her son, the Son of God, being born in a barn among the animals, must have been wrought with dark moments and questioning thoughts. She must have wondered who was she to have this burden, how would her life change, what would lie ahead.

But she kept her faith. Even in the darkest of moments, she kept her faith. And she was rewarded with the ultimate Light. A light that continues to shine in each and every one of us, even in the darkest of our moments.

9cbbe4015c94fffef86bdc5a3ba818db

And so in the moments of uncertainty, I am reminded to look to Him. In the sadness, loneliness, questions of the future…He is there. In the moments where I wonder my path, where I wish for someone to share these days with…I am reminded I am so blessed. I may not have a him in my life right now, but I have HIM.

In my darkest of days, He is the light. He shines through me. And that is enough.

For His birth, His death, His love…I am amazingly and wonderfully blessed.

Merry Christmas.

Share Button

Before we return to our regularly scheduled program

I know I took an even longer hiatus from writing than normal, but I promise it was with good – albeit serious – reason.

photo

Last Tuesday, Grandpa T was brought to Methodist by ambulance complaining of chest pain. Dad called me and we met there to check on him in the ER. After a couple EKGs and other tests, he was admitted for overnight observation while the cardiac team decided to do a stress test or a cardiac cath. Katie was able to fly in that night and we spent the following two days in the hospital with him, waiting for tests and test results.

Good news. As a 90 year old, he’s evidently been doing something right, because the heart attack he survived was his first…and the cath they performed only showed 50% blockage in one artery and 30% in another. So they sent him home on some new medicine. No stints needed.

Yesterday? He was back at the hospital he volunteers at in the maintenance department, helping the electrician run down rogue bulbs and outlets.

IMG_2777

The man never ceases to amaze me. When I wasn’t sure what might happen during the days of last week, I had time to sit and think about how much he has, and continues to impact my life.

This is a man who, without fail, attended 95%+ of all of my and Katie’s sporting events. To cheer us on, rain, snow, or shine. To congratulate us on our wins, console us on our losses, and take stats in between. (You may think I’m kidding, but I still have some basketball stat sheets to prove it.)

A man who taught us that there’s always room for ice cream, a little dirt never hurt anyone, and the sky is the limit.

A man who taught us stubbornness, perseverance, kindness, compassion. He showed us, and continues to show us, that it is fun to read. That ideas and intelligence are worth pursuing. That pennies are worth pinching for the right things.

He’s the man who consistently and lovingly asks to be my Valentine every February 14th and I can’t imagine anyone better suited for the job. His love and affection for my grandmother taught me what true love is really like and I hope someday to have someone in my life who can remotely hold a match to the compassion he showed through the years.

Logan and Lora (371) Logan and Lora (376)

I always learn something new when I’m with him and continue to look at him in admiration and respect, just as I did on the dance floor (above). I know there are so many things he has still to teach us and I look forward to every day learning from him over a bowl of his favorite soft serve.

I love you Grampa.

 

Share Button

Project 365: Week 11 update

IMG_5103

DAY 63: As of the Friday after Thanksgiving, the lights on the circle are officially on!

 

image

DAY 64: Christmas came early for L² Design! Hello, beautiful Brother Printer.

 

image_1

DAY 65: A wonderfully hilarious “X-mas” performance put on by the people of Phoenix Theatre.

 

image_2

DAY 66: First snow! “What’s this yummy stuff on the ground?”

 

image_3

DAY 67: The first snow has turned the neighborhood into a winter wonderland.

Share Button

Music Wednesday: Let your light shine

I realized as a part of last weeks thankful/lessons post that if I want to be the beautiful mosaic, I must live a life that causes it. I can’t sit and wait for life to happen to me, but I must go out and act upon it. As I’ve written before, action is not an issue for me. Typically it’s inaction that’s an issue. Sitting around causes me to be the child with Tourettes on the roller coaster, but I’m learning how to balance. How to know what I have to be patient about, and what I can intentionally act towards.

I’m also learning, though, that in both scenarios I have a chance to let my light, my true self, show. The fire within me, the parts and pieces, the paint on the canvas. Especially in action, but even in inaction.

1

Katy Perry has a song about just that. About the power of a person’s being. About letting your light shine. I heard a church sermon given on this song and the Matthew 5:15 verse; it was probably one of the best sermons I’ve ever experienced.

“You don’t have to feel like a wasted space
You’re original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it’s time you’ll know

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

‘Cause, baby, you’re a firework
Come on, show ‘em what you’re worth
Make ‘em go “Oh, oh, oh”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you’re a firework
Come on, let your colours burst
Make ‘em go “Oh, oh, oh”
You’re gonna leave ‘em all in awe, awe, awe”

In my concern about the present, the suck that has been this year of climbing and cursing towards happiness, I sometimes forget that the storms and hurricanes bring rainbows and clear skies. That in the storms you must not cower, but stand strong and let your light shine to guide you safely on your journey.

That you are worth the fight of the storm.

You are a beautiful firework on the path to your perfect place in the sky, even if you don’t know what that path is yet. The colors on your canvas, the shine of your color burst, is and will be stunning. You are too beautiful to cower in the storm or sit idly as life acts upon you.

757c641485d64c4ebe6b028ccb2a2c8c

There will be people who tell you you can’t do things. Events that seem to cause the path you though you should be on to become blocked. Setbacks. Heartache. Moments feeling lost.

In those moments, especially, we must let our light shine. For in those moments, the ones that take the deepest of courage, we show what we are made of.

Shine away, darling. And grab your shades. There are rainbows in your future.

Share Button

Project 365: Week 10 Recap

IMG_5018

DAY 57: “Whatcha doin’, mom?” Miss M watching me work on the computer.

DAY 58: Chris Botti at work with the ISO.

DAY 58: Chris Botti at work with the ISO.

DAY 59: Happy Thanksgiving! Cuddle pic post-walk with Madeleine.

DAY 59: Happy Thanksgiving! Cuddle pic post-walk with Madeleine.

DAY 60: Merry Christmas! Helped put the tree up at Grandpa Bob's.

DAY 60: Merry Christmas! Helped put the tree up at Grandpa Bob’s.

DAY 61: Guard dog looking out the window while I read.

DAY 61: Guard dog looking out the window while I read.

DAY 62: Snug. As a bug. In a rug.

DAY 62: Snug. As a bug. In a rug.

 

Share Button

Meandering thankfulness and lessons in painting

 

The year thus far has been…insane. A whirlwind. Life-changing. Fun. Sad.

If you were to paint on a canvas a storyboard of my year thus far….I’m pretty sure a finger painting by a blind toddler would suffice. A cacophonic jumble of colors, no coherent destination or path. A swirl of crazy; some splotches of fists pounded in fury against the canvas.

During this time of year meant for reflection and thanks, my knee-jerk reaction is…I’m not sure what to be thankful for. I’m 27. Divorced. Unemployed. This definitely isn’t where I saw my future self. Even a year ago.

tumblr_mdvqxdWE391qjm9bpo1_500

And yet, as much as it isn’t the path I foresaw, I am thankful for the hurdles. I wouldn’t change my decisions, nor the decisions others made that are out of my control. Cheesy romance movies typically have some line about “I wouldn’t change anything, because everything lead me to this.” Well…good for you, Ryan Gosling. Your blind optimism as you stand in a white t-shirt in the rain is radiant with justified faith. (BTW, RG, if you’re reading this…you can say that to me any day.) But me? I don’t know the destination of my journey. I don’t know what color the blind toddler will choose next. But I know the finished painting will be worth it. Perhaps it is my own blind optimism.

Maybe each canvas is its own year. Maybe each color is its own person, its own experience. Maybe some colors don’t continue on to the next year. Maybe you start off bold with a color and expect great things and even the blind toddler can “see” as he moves into the next canvas that something is amiss. That something about the interaction of that color just doesn’t work. So he learns, sets the color aside, and moves on. He may have had great hopes for that color and its part in the ultimate design, but he saw that it didn’t work and learned from the design on the canvas how to better move forward with the next one.

11653311d296bba314d3b01282d070fd

Maybe all of these canvases of years are pieces of the bigger composite. The summer months you spent when you were two splashing in the pool are the blues on that year’s canvas that make up the glint in the eye of the bigger mosaic. The turmoil of broken hearts and lost love are the reds on the canvases and the rouge in your cheeks.

The actions, decisions, times of love and times of loss. The people. The jobs and the moments spent fervently searching for jobs. They’re all colors. They’re all specks on the canvas that tell our story.

So this is the mosaic of my life. And it may not be pretty right now. But I know the outcome will be stunning.

And for that I am thankful.

Share Button

Project 365: Week 9 Recap

IMG_4807

DAY 53: Beautiful sight of a waving American Flag in the sunset spotted from my desk at work.

DAY 54: Sitting with me while I work.

DAY 54: Sitting with me while I work.

IMG_4937

DAY 56: Dinner and drinks and wicked shenanigans before going to see WICKED at the Murat!

DAY 56: Dinner and drinks and wicked shenanigans before going to see WICKED at the Murat!

Share Button