On matters of the heart

The first months of dating have been unsuccessful, borderline downright discouraging. Men who lie. Men as dumb as cardboard boxes. Men who don’t know how to open up. Cowards. Bores. You get the picture…

While unsuccessful, it has continued to teach me about what I want out of a relationship. That I want someone who will stand beside me bravely, not paralyzed with fear. That I want someone passionate about us, as I will be to him. Someone so excited with our love that he will yell it from the rooftops. Someone who will love me unconditionally as God does. Whose love in Him will show through in his character as a wonderful, loving spouse, not motivated by fear or external factors, but by his love of God, and by the love I give him, given to me by God. An unabashed, unwavering, unfaltering love.

I’m also beginning to learn that my timeframe is not the timeframe in question. I can’t rush these things, any more than I can make the earth spin backwards. Love and marriage are gifts given to mankind by God. It is His will. Yes, there are marriages that are entered into with the wrong motives, or become filled with the wrong motives over time to the extent that the only healing to be done is walk away. But you do so, bravely, with God. Knowing His love for you is unending and that His plan is greater than any you can imagine. And those plans can’t be rushed.


Forgetting that the timeline is not yours can lead to a lot of miserable feelings. Doubt. Hurt. A lack of faith in the path your life is taking. It is a dark place. Reminding myself that it is not only up to me as to my path is a daily chore. Remembering that there is a love out there meant for me, my gift from God, is hard to swallow in the dark moments. But it is true. God tells me that there is a love out there for me, a man who will love me without condition or fear, whose heart overflows with love for me, because God is in it.

And so I pray that the heart of my future husband will be filled with God just as He is in mine. And when that happens, watch out for the fireworks…

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