My dog requires more maintenance than me

So when I first got Madeleine, I knew that at some point I would try to teach myself how to groom/cut her hair myself. Not because I find it fun, or enjoying, but because I’m a frugal gal. I mean…I’m the girl who hasn’t cut her own hair since July. No, not this July. I mean July 2012. That happens when your hair trimmings revolve around being long enough for donation. But I also don’t have bangs, like this crazy mop dog.

Morning of grooming festivities.

Anyway. Haircuts. I used to cut my ex-husband’s hair. How hard could it be?

Really hard. 

For serious. I now have a gained respect for groomers and barbers of tiny humans. Madeleine flailed like an epileptic psycho anytime I tried to get near her head or her paws. I was able to get all of her torso and down her legs, with much struggling and biting – her, not me, obviously. I then put her muzzle on her because the bites were starting to hurt, and realized…well…this isn’t going to work, I can’t even get to her face to shave it now.

Soooo….an emergency call to the groomer and a rushed drive to make it there for the last booking, and everything’s all better (Sorry, landlord. I’ll pick up those dog shavings tomorrow). She’s cut a little short for her size. Kind of pitiful-looking, actually. But it’s cut and out of her eyes and should last through winter.

The groomer gave me all sorts of hell. I walked in and she said “you tried to cut her yourself, didn’t you?” Why yes, yes I did. And I will continue to do so because paying more for my dog to get groomed more frequently than my every year and a half hair cut is bag o’ cats crazy, if you ask me.

She actually said I did a pretty good job, that the face and paws are obviously the hardest. She giggled and said, “It looks like she has little boots on”…because of the line on the leg past which Madeleine would begin to gyrate like a person in need of an exorcism. Yes, funny funny ha ha. This isn’t an UGG commercial. Please fix it.

But she wanted to give Madeleine poofs and crazy bananas stuff. No ma’am. I don’t plan on bringing a high-maintenance dog into my life and I’ve done pretty good at preventing that so far. No poofs, or pink, or bows of any kind. She sulked back into the grooming station and said she’d call when Madeleine was ready. Maybe that was why she buzzed so short. Revenge of sorts.

My pretty girl is quickly growing into her new haircut…which is also growing as quickly as she is. She’s like the velveteen rabbit right now. The short chop is soft and cuddly. Which is good because I feel bad that she looks naked and appears cold and am therefore letting her break rules and cuddle with me at night. Bad mommy, I know. You can slap my wrists later.

For now, I’m going to go cuddle.

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