After a gloomy couple days, I went back to a song a good friend
sent me recently and took it in. The song is by Joshua Radin, from his new album “Wax Wings”.
The day, for the most part, is what you make it. It’s time to make my days beautiful. Live life big and hard, smile lots and love strong. There’s only this one life. I plan on making the most of it.
I’m gonna wash the dust off my soul
I’m gonna listen to some rock n’ roll
No cares, come what may
I’m making a beautiful day
I’m gonna drive my car into the sea
Swim out far cause I believe that the waves will wash the gray away
I’m making a beautiful day
But let me hear you say
Oooh ooohh my my
I’m learning to fly
Hey hey what’s that you’re saying
Lets not forget we’re alive
What’s the adage? Two steps forward, one step back?
After all my talk about sitting back and enjoying the ride, tempering my inner crazy child, I had a minor meltdown this weekend/today. The details don’t really matter. Suffice it to say 50hr work weeks + fever-inducing illness + gloomy weekend = Lora in a funk.
I wasn’t necessarily questioning myself and my choices…just a minor panic attack of the unknown. I warned here and here that I was/am a planner. That the unknown, the sitting back and letting life happen both scares and frustrates me. It makes me feel helpless. I am a woman of action, and being in this in between…this unknown amoeba of still settling into my new life, unsure of where it’s going…is helplessness by the very definition.
On Sunday at church (tested out a new church, starting the search for a new church family) the interim pastor gave a sermon on getting down in the thick of the mess and getting your hands dirty to get things done. That even in the most seemingly uneventful or unworthy situations, miracles are happening. Good things are happening. We only have to notice them.
I never would have pictured myself where I am now. You don’t get married expecting to get divorced. And this new life may not be quite figured out yet, but each day is a step forward. Sometimes life throws you curve balls. Sometimes you bonk 10 miles from home. And there’s nothing you can do but grit through it and look for the good things along the way to help the time pass. It doesn’t do you any good to get off your bike and stomp and curse your situation. Your path, which may seem slow and tedious. Your destination, which may seem unknown. All of these things are part of God’s bigger plan, which means there’s miracles along the way. You just have to put on your shades and find them through the blinding light of awesome. Oh, and maybe stop thrashing and cursing.
Who knows. We’ll see about that last bit.