Church today hit the nail on the head in some feelings I’ve been having lately.
I’ve written about this before. I’m a woman of action. I hate sitting around waiting when I can be out doing. And more to that, (typically) when I set my mind to something, very little keeps me from reaching that goal. I’m determined, courageous, focused.
That person, though? Is a bull in a china shop when it comes to the dating world. I hate the waiting and the seeking. I hate going on dates only to realize this guy isn’t what he says he is in one way or another. That he lied about himself or his intentions. Or is just plain boring. So I go back to the drawing board and I seek more, harder, better, faster, stronger. *cue techno dance break*
I know what I want. WHY CAN’T I FIND IT?!?!?!
Today’s lesson was the first of 6 Lenten lessons. It was about Abram and his life. In Genesis 12-18, The Lord comes to Abram to tell him to pack up his stuff and move his family to an unknown place. He’s going to make him famous, and give him more descendants than there are stars. Mind you, Abram is 75 and his wife is barren. But he says, “Alright. That sounds awesome. Let’s do this.” Abram makes a sacrifice to the Lord, creating a covenant between them to honor these promises to each other. 11 years later, there’s still no kid, so Abram takes matters into his own hands. He defies The Lord’s promise. The Lord says, “I will still honor you.” His wife even questions the ability for this to happen, given how old they are. The Lord says, “Why did you laugh at me? Just believe.”
Finally, 24 years later, Sara finally bears Abraham a son.
God came to both of them on many occasions throughout that time period. Reminding them of His promise, of the covenant between them, that He would provide. Sometimes the more impossible the promise, the more frequently The Lord reaches out to remind you he will deliver. All we have to do is believe. Abram asks The Lord how he can know for sure this will happen. God’s response is something to the likes of “The time is not ready yet, but my promises will be fulfilled.”
His promises will be fulfilled.
This lesson today was like a bucket of cold water over my shoulders. I believe in Him, in His goals in my life…but I get restless and try to achieve them faster on my own. I put in effort. I join dating site, after dating site, after dating site. Searching. Trying. Seeking.
And all God asks is that I look to Him. That I keep my promise to Him, as He will to me. That I step back. From rushing. From the computer. And trust Him.
The inverse of this being The Lord’s promise to us and our rebellion in seeking answers of our own means. We broke our promise to Him. We do it daily. When someone breaks a promise with us, we have a tendency to overpower, dominate – to do to them what they did to us. To take matters into our own hands, as Abram did. And God? He still honored His promise. HE STILL HONORS HIS PROMISE. When we walk a life with God, when we truly trust in Him, it doesn’t matter (as much) what others do to us. It doesn’t matter how long it takes. Yes, someone may hurt us, and we may realize that they aren’t to be trusted, or kept close. But we release them. We forgive. We move forward. Yes, it’s frustrating to wait – like an excitable kid in line for his first roller coaster ride. But with God, the plan is so much more wonderful than anything we could have imagined. Why rush for the vanilla, when you can hold out for the mint chocolate chip?
A major part of the Lenten season is about what you’re “giving up”. It becomes fodder at lunches, around the water cooler, in talks with friends. Who is so strong that they can go 40 days without something? But if we step back, really we’re saying: that thing…is essential to my life. And it’s hard for me to live without it. It…this THING…fills me up.
What does that compare with the splendors God has for you? What does that compare with the empty tomb of resurrection and salvation? He should be what fills us up. Lent has become what we give up. Why don’t we make ourselves empty so He can fill us up?
For me, this “thing” is dating. I bum-rushed it like a rookie cornerback looking for his first sack. I want that joy, that happiness, of having someone by my side who gets me. Who wants to experience life with me. Who will love me through and through and shout it from the mountains. I’ve been searching and fighting and clawing the last 2.5 months, looking for him. When really I should have been looking to Him. So for Lent, I’m stepping back. I will answer responses as they come to me, but I won’t be seeking anything out. I’m refocusing my gaze on where it should have always been. On Him. Because in Him lies my ultimate promise and my ultimate mate. He knows and has already picked out the man who is my equal whole. He knows the man who will take my hand and my heart and treat it with compassion (and passion)…because He created him. And who am I to argue with that?
I honor my covenant with Him, He honors it with me. That’s how it works, folks.