Building my future

While I joke about being okay with being a single gal, and I am, I also know that at some point in my future I will want to be an independent-minded woman staring at the adventures of my future with an independent-minded man at my side. I won’t NEED him there, but I will want him to share in the experiences with me. And he won’t NEED me there, but will equally want me.

I spent many nights mulling over the issues of my last relationship, both while it was happening and after the fact. I’ve learned from it. I may not ever know exactly what changed, but I’ve taken away from it the things I know will make me an even better partner in the future. And I also understand that there’s no looking back. There’s no sense in constantly re-hashing in my mind the events that occurred and the events that didn’t. I will always enjoy the fond memories that I have of times past, but the memories aren’t the present, and they hadn’t been in awhile. You can’t remain happy only from memories of long ago.

Just as you can’t live in the past for happiness, you can’t live in the past for sadness. You move on, you learn, you build your future forward.

And so I work on bettering myself, continually. I work on sorting out in my mind and planning for the life I’d like to have. I work on doing the things I love and being the person I want to be. I work on being happy, and doing the things that make me happy. I work on enjoying the moment. I’m building my life for the future.
I am a woman of action. And I know, both from that acknowledgement and from past experiences, that I want and need a man of action. A man who can help carry the load when it gets heavy. A man who will work with me, side by side, through the good days and the bad, to continually make our relationship the best it can be. Who will put in the effort to make the relationship great without making it feel like work. A man who will say nice things to me, both romantic and funny, to make me smile and laugh, but will also then follow those words with actions that reinforce the thought. A man who will call me on my sh!t when I get too sassy for my shoes (as Katie will attest I am apt to do), but love me just the same when the dust settles.
Does that man exist?
Who knows. I hope so. But until then, you can find me building my future…
Share Button

Who cares, I’m awesome

On a related note to my blessed post, where I mentioned a couple ways in which I’m getting over the single hurdle with the help of friends and family, I have another “single gal” funny for you.

One night last week, I was sitting at the computer working and saw a mouse – literally SAW IT – skitter across the floor from the living room to the kitchen. I texted the landlord who came through with 4 traps, two different kinds, and tips on setting them that night.

The next day, upon arriving home from work, I was greeted with the present of a mouse in a trap. After getting over the initial shock – not sure why I was shocked, exactly. After all, that was the intent when I set them – I walked over to gather the trap/mouse and dispose of it outside.

And then it jumped.

Holy blazes of hellfire.

What’s funny to me now is: I jumped in a circle like a little girl, screaming and waving my hands….while it hopped the trap in a circle, screeching and trying to get loose.

And Madeleine? She was having a field day with the crazy.

So…I texted the landlord. He wasn’t home to remedy the mouse situation (come to find out he’s not a fan of mice either). Nor were any of my friends in a close distance. It was big girl pants time. I put the bag back over my hand, kicked the trap around so that I could pick it up from trap end, and went for it.

And then it squeaked.

And I dropped it.

And squeaked myself.

Round two was more successful and the mouse is now in mouse heaven somewhere. And me? I rewarded myself with a beer. No man needed here. I got this sh!t under control.

Share Button

Project 365: Week 5 recap

DAY 28: Flashdance has officially made it through the first two months of puppy teething, but was in dire need of a bath and a sewing patch on one of his feet. He took a day off for both, and is now back with Madeleine. You would’ve thought he was real, as happy as she became when I gave him back to her after his patch and cleaning.

DAY 29: This morning while I was getting ready for work, Madeleine started playing with something. I thought she might’ve found an amethyst, so I ran over and claimed the unknown object: a baby molar she had just lost.

DAY 30: What happens when you go to work early before the sun is up and just grope for your flats with your feet as you’re running out the door? You end up spending the morning in two different shoes without realizing it.

DAY 31: Last night I noticed a mouse, so I put out some traps the landlord gave me. I came home from work today to a maimed, but not dead, mouse in one of them. With no one available to remedy the situation, I put on my big girl pants and took care of it myself. And then rewarded myself with beer.

DAY 32: A good friend came into town for a party this weekend and called me up to catch up over dinner. It’s always great to commiserate lives and compare how our firms work, both similarly and differently. We had a great time over bourbon-based drinks and tacos.

DAY 33: I spent my afternoon with a good friend, and making new friends, carving pumpkins. I can’t remember the last time I had done this and this experience did not disappoint. Spiced apple cider, also known as “life juice”, laughs, and good music. Wins all-around.

DAY 34: I’m pretty sure this is my favorite pumpkin I’ve ever carved. Awesome handle. Awesome coloring. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome.

Share Button

What does your weekend hold?

Live it up.

Share Button

Give a little

I know I’m a day late on Music Wednesday. I blame the plague that visited over the weekend. Anyway…

This song makes me want to boogie around the apartment in my undies. It’s got a great beat, and I think the message applies in all aspects of life, but especially love. If we all focused on giving, making others happy, TRULY happy, I think most relationships – personal, business, friendships – would benefit greatly.

This will be a struggle for me having had to take care of my own happiness for so long, but I already see how happy I am currently and am becoming as I grow in my new life. It makes me excited to find the person out there who will willingly and gladly be my equal and give happiness to me as I will give to him.

But for now, dance party time.

Share Button

The S#!t Show that was Sunday

Now that I’m a couple days removed, I can laugh at myself a little.

Sunday…was brutal. Talk about death march.
I felt like a complete sh!t show.
Thankfully I only felt this way, not WAS this way.
In the process of trying to figure out why I was hurting so much, I played internet doctor and now know where my appendix and gallbladder are located. Good news, the pain source wasn’t at either of those locations.
I also realized that I need to change my living will. (I realized this before I realized where my appendix was. While in a fever-induced delirium, I was concerned my stabbing pain was appendicitis.)
I was laying on the couch in fetal position, whimpering, thinking…ok, if I go to the ER…who do I call? Who is my emergency contact? F#(k, I need to change my will. Katie gets all my sh!t (You’re welcome). I need to write this down. I don’t want to get up to get a pen and paper. I don’t even think I CAN get up to get a pen and paper. They’ll just have to take dictation in the ambulance. Mooooaaaaannnn. Whimper.
I’m not kidding about the whimpering. It was PATHETIC. If there were drunk kids milling about, they would have vine’d me like nobody’s business. I would be almost asleep (I think) and wake up to whimpering sounds even I didn’t know I made.
Plus side: I cleaned the toilet on Saturday.
Negative: It now needs to be cleaned again.
Plus side: Really awesome diet.
Negative: If you enjoy hurling your favorite comfort foods and convulsing like the girl from The Exorcist.
Plus side: Good workout from all muscles being tensed while in a feverish shake all day.
Negative: You feel like you were pummeled by a MMA fighter the next day.
Oh, did I mention, while all of this was going on, my dog ate the head off of a dead bird? Yeah, that happened.
Share Button

Another’s brave journey

A dear friend lost his job today. I know this blog is about me and my journey, but so much of me is given strength by the close knit group of friends I am lucky to have (see here and here) – so for me, his journey is my journey. As he is my friend, I am his. And today I feel for him.

I almost don’t know where to begin; all of the thoughts seem to be swirling like an unkempt merry-go-round, tumbling around with the mismatched clothes in the dryer (because why the hell would a merry-go-round be in the dryer? My point exactly. Bag o’ cats up there). I pained that I didn’t know how to come to his aid today, and I myself have heard – and been frustrated by – too much of “I know how you feel” lately to be able to utter those words to him as he shared the news with his friends. I’ve had to leave a job, many jobs in fact, in the past because of military moves, but have yet been stationary and without. So I don’t, truly, know how it feels. I found myself wanting to say it, and bit my tongue as we spoke. Remembering how those words felt like a hot hand on my cheek when others said them to me.

But I empathize nonetheless.

The world of architecture right now, and in recent years, is not an easy one. While most of the nation struggled/struggles under a max 8% unemployment rate, architecture has been almost double that at times – and still sits above the national average. Even so, he is a talented architect. He is goal-oriented and attuned to details. He is so worthy of a blessed future and I can only imagine how downtrodden he feels tonight.

He is one to always see the design in things, how something relates to another. Another friend described him recently as “the big picture” guy. When I saw this quote today, I immediately thought of him.

I hope he realizes the support structure he has. His family. His friends. His peers. I hope he realizes his value to the profession. I hope he sees this as a chance to redirect the journey, rather than a collapsed bridge. I have many hopes, but mostly I hope he finds peace in the unsettled moments, both now and in the immediate future.

I know he is a believer, so I will end with this, because no one ever says it better than He does.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

We’re all in your corner. Know that, if you know anything.

Share Button

Count your blessings

This past couple days I had a nice reminder of the good great friends and family I have in my life.

On Friday morning, I wasn’t feeling too great as I got to work, but counted it off as not having yet had breakfast. Later that day a coworker texted to check on me to make sure everything was ok. He had noticed me seeming a bit off and just wanted to check in. While I felt bad that I was broadcasting any other feeling than happiness, it was such a happy surprise to know that I have close friends to check on me, even when I’m not asking for help outright. One of the many reasons I call them my “Schmidt family”. I will admit, he might be on heightened alert because his wife is now in the midst of pregnancy with their first child. Dare I say he might be getting attuned to changing facial expressions of women when uncomfortable. ;) I’m so excited to see them start this journey together and this small gesture to a friend shows me even more how great of a dad he will be to their little girl.

Evidently the pangs early Friday might have been a stomach bug settling in, because by Sunday I was down for the count. Fever, vomiting, aches, the works. Well…the vomiting came later, but still. So I texted my dad early in the day to ask him to come play superdad and bring me some “comfort food” by the way of sprite and grilled cheese and tomato soup, as well as to provide some manual labor to do some chores around the house that I was planning on doing that day: remove the window aircon, lay down the insulation in the attic, etc. He showed up, lacking cape (or perhaps it was invisible) but superdad nonetheless. There’s no longer a draft and the temperature in the apartment has been much better since the insulation got fixed. I made some lunch, and slowly ate it as we sat and chatted about the housing market and life in general.

After revisiting lunch (thankfully I had spent some of the previous day cleaning the toilet), I was granted another small blessing in the form of my wonderful landlords. Or I guess their son…and his love for applesauce. They were kind enough to give me some – with a moderate radius being kept for germ reasons – that night when I was finally starting to feel okay enough to try and eat again. Oh the small joys of plain applesauce. Thanks, O-man!

During parts of this weekend, I lamented my singlehood, just wanting someone to do a load of laundry, or the dishes, or lay down the insulation, or cuddle me while I was completely down for the count. It would have been easy to get stuck in that low spot, but I (surprisingly) didn’t. Perhaps I was too delirious with fever. Who knows.

While my dad and my friends cannot necessarily do some of that list, I feel so blessed to know that there’s some chores on that list they are willing and ready to take to hand. Sometimes just saying you’re there is enough. Sometimes all it takes is climbing a ladder to brighten a girl’s day.

Many blessings. Many thanks.

Share Button

Project 365: Week 4 recap

DAY 22: Lady M always gives me this sideways head cocked expression when I whistle at her. It makes me laugh every time.

DAY 23: I was reminiscing about New Hampshire falls today and was reminded on my drive home that my current locale ain’t so shabby, either.

DAY 24: Madeleine is getting so big! There are times I come home for lunch and ask her if she grew while I was gone, but it’s most evident when she stands next to the landlords’ dogs.

DAY 25: SARA BAREILLES! I was stoked out of my gourd all day at work and in complete bliss at the show. If you are ever given a chance to see her live, take it! Three experiences so far, not once have I been even remotely close to disappointed.
DAY 26: Happy first birthday, little skittle! Hard to imagine it’s already been a year.
DAY 27: First bath time at home. Madeleine was not a fan, but didn’t make too much of a mess either. Her poor, shivering body was torture enough.

(You’ll notice I missed a day. I didn’t want to mis-label the posts and end on 28 and cut myself short. I promised 365 images, and 365 I will deliver.)

Have a great week!

Share Button

Friday Fun-day

With both a mix of inspiration and fun, I welcome Friday. Today is the Sara Bareilles concert – holla!!!

Share Button